Dead days are turning into restless nights

coffee#Weekendcoffeeshare

If we were having coffee this morning, I would tell you how I have been doing nothing for the several previous months. How I am really frustrated by this fact and furious at myself. It’s a long monotonous setback that is getting profound every morning and violent everyday; you open your eyes in bed in the morning and you realize nothing is going to happen today, you are going to get up, wash your face, and talk to yourself in the mirror about the things you wish and never get, about the things you like and never do, about the thing you’ve become, and the things you would never be.

If we were having coffee this morning, I would tell you how my nights are turning into days, and days are becoming nights, as if I am living in a realm beyond the realm of humans, hunting movies and series on my computer screen at night and sleeping more than cats in daylight. Yes, Things have been upside down for a while now, dead days are bleeding into restless nights, trying to find an ultimate escape into the virtual world of the Internet, video games, movies, and fiction; shutting down my thoughts and inner conscience from surfacing, and filling my brain cells with unlimited supply of pixels to maintain a state of numbness and unawareness.

If we were having coffee this morning, I would tell you that I am running out of steam, even the slightest simple pleasures of eating, drinking or having a cigarette are growing tedious. Unable to concentrate or focus on a simple task. I know that there is nothing that stops you from finding yourself, except yourself and that’s what is irritating me even more, because, somehow I am aware that I am sucked into self-destruction. But, at the same time I feel trapped, as if someone is trying to get out from moving sand. The more you lament, or go tough on yourself to take a stand, and find your way out, the deeper you sink into a larger vacuum. A dimension that is twice away from finding yourself, and thrice away from getting back your self-esteem and motivation.

If we were having coffee, I would say thank your  for your time and listening . I know we have just meet and I am already bothering with this much talk. So, tell me how was your week? And how  are you doing ?

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4 thoughts on “Dead days are turning into restless nights”

  1. I’m having a useless day too after a sleepless night. Wasted the whole day. But you have written a beautiful essay about your condition. Vey positive. If you sincerely want to find motivation, look at your choice of books, what do they say you want to do? Look at what makes you envious. What does that say you want? Try and stay away from video games.
    With love and concern

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it’s irritating to be useless, to waste your time doing nothing, or the same things. It’s more alienating than useless. It’s a monotony that creates an inside growing sense of incompleteness. And, when I think about what I want, it’s distorted.
      Pleased for the comment. And, thank you for your solicitude.

      Like

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